She and He. He and She. Face to Face with the Ghosts of the Past

She and he. He and she. Face to face with the ghosts of the past.

In a room, what you see is just the two of them. It’s never that simple.

There, in that room, are her parents, her brothers, my grandparents, and a few other significant people. There, in that room, are his parents, his brothers, his grandparents, and a few other significant individuals.

In an unhealed couple, the present is never lived. The ghosts of the past come to life and begin to breathe through the lungs of the two partners.

It might be easier to understand if you imagined that there are 20 people, all interconnected, tugging at the couple. 20 people pulling at him and another 20 people pulling at her. Where is the couple in this situation?

Family is like a constellation of stars, each member representing a star that shines uniquely, but all are part of the same constellation. — Bert Hellinger

Some relationships go into survival mode — “Come on, it’s not that bad, it could be worse,” while others enter the codependency story. Some couples live out a reparative narrative that fails to heal anything.